Underdog
Telling a very spooky real life story of when I was crushed under the weight of my Enemies over a decade ago.
After I had my near-death experience after dealing with Public School, the animation industry, and then Homestuck, I never really spoke of my direct experience back then. I figured it would be more likely to terrify religious people than give them solace. One of the things I saw in that time is that Beyond this world there is greater pain than anything you can experience in this world, and not all of it is in hell.
A notable aspect is that it felt as if my soul itself was being mangled. No different than physical damage to the organs, muscles and bones. There was some kind of analogous Anatomy in my soul being damaged. Which was much more abstract. I had already been aware of these Soul constructs by retreating into my mind to experience them. I wonder if everyone has them or if people have different types of Soul "structures”.
This would be quite disturbing to contemplate as Jesus says to not fear those who destroy the body, but rather the one who can destroy body and soul in hell. Was this an exception? It's hard to decide what it was. At any rate I believed back then the only way to save my soul from dying was to die physically.
One of these constructs was a sort of a swirling shell around my mind, as if inside my head. It resembled Jupiter, but turned inside out. I was aware of it for years, I lived in it in school. This is quite interesting as the bad guy in Homestuck had a previous form already introduced with a cue ball for a head. After my three traumatic experiences it felt as if the shell was caving inward and unable to be put back together. The cue ball character breaks open the ball later that year to summon Lord English. This suggests that Andrew was performing a spiritual assault with his comic and involving his fans almost synchronized with my problems in real life. Sometime later he called me stupid, but there was certainly no way to learn about that kind of evil.
There was something I did to test it which was rotate a sensation around the inside of the remnants in the aftermath, folding pieces of the shell which continually degraded. In the present it rotates around the shape of my cranium, as if the Regeneration of my soul has finally happened.
There were other structures such as symbolic dimensions, or a sort of Cosmos associated with my own artistic works I had been developing. Meaning that the very Cosmos of my creations was Under Fire, and that was part of what crippled me from actually making anything.
Shortly after the “shell" was broken I felt like I was being pulled and ripped apart. This was the sort of thing which pushed me to attempting suicide, and not things such as pain which did nothing in comparison. I interpret it as not merely the actions of even evil humans like Andrew, but also spiritual evil including Satan himself.
There was another main bad guy who was dog themed. The narrative of him at the time was also closely matched to what was going on in my life. Andrew used his comic to express the evil in his soul, and Satan used that against me. I believe this takes various forms in Alternate timelines.
That brings things to the subject of the article. Previously I referred to my Creations in the Underbeasts seeming somewhat real. In that case was the visceral realization of the reality of this. A dog of the Underrealm launched himself into my soul. This event was anticipated by various things. One of the comics I had planned, and even in various artistic works of pop culture seems to point towards this dog figure, like four past midnight. Due to being the first, perhaps, to enter the world, this would give him the importance in a future to come to be foreshadowed in the artwork of the world.
In my comic book anomalous phenomena any Underbeast can be called to Grant A Wish by saying its true name. I never did so during this experience, but perhaps I was visualizing it - his birth name, which is the name he gained at the moment of his creation. In the yearning and wishing I was experiencing, his birthname was coalesced.
This typically has the effect of the wisher being corrupted by the Beast, becoming a vassal servant for it. Unless the wish is done properly with care. In this case the actual creature fully entered into my soul. Where it resides to this day, amongst the damage that was being inflicted upon me at that time. How things have been 'within’ my soul since then is unclear.
Back in that time, when I was 20, it seemed that I was spiritually powerful, but the dog creature was much more powerful than myself. This points towards things being very early in the creation of the Underrealm, as the creation cannot be greater than the creator, and there are many stronger beasts than this one.
There is a certain savagery to my conduct towards bad artwork, and against things in some other contexts, which can be explained by this dog. Even when I railed against Bad cartoons as a teenager, it was not really the same. There was a silliness to the things I said, like the quote I talked about in an article about having your sense of humor formed from Animaniacs is a horror times a thousand Horrors. Since then, it's more of a visceral beatdown, no fun besides the fun of beating down bad things. Always honing in on the goal of complete destruction of bad artwork, the industries in which they are made and some other things.
ipgd, a friend from that time famously associated with Homestuck, posted an image of a visceral dog after I made a fun phrase in a series of three 4chan posts, which began his haunting. “learn anatomy, draw from life, anime sucks.” which was my assessment of the little people on /ic/ could understand my critiques. The dog seems associated with such mind viscera, boiling things down to the nuts and bones of what is going on in someone's mind. Preceded by two gifs of crying, is how she replied. It doesn't seem like I've really seen that image ever again. I was swimming in its vastness.
I also saw some odd things on the internet. Someone replied to me named after bugs, and followed me on deviantART. He had a whole blogging Network of people who seemed to be satirizing themselves. Satire of being NEETs, or just humans. They didn't seem to be normal, curiously deformed in behavior. In my comic book anomalous phenomena, that is also true of figures the protagonist sees in the first issue.
They also seem to be riffing off of my thoughts. On one profile was a song that was currently in the top of my iTunes. Animal by Neon Trees, animal like a dog. There were no photos, no drawings, no interests. On one blog although there were a lot of comments I was the only one who showed up on a spinning globe of recent visitors. I also saw them replying to a major animator in those days, a conversation with him that was their only real crossover into “the real world”. It almost seems like a parody of human beings. As if the dog was showing me what ordinary humans looked like to him. Bugs, with crude and laughable thoughts. And desperate for association with myself? Well he is my dog, I would expect him to make me look good.
On /co/ I saw some weird stuff. The most memorable segment was two comments, one begging for help as what seemed to be a female, though that was not stated, was “bleeding but still there.” the reply was “there is nothing to be done. You are already dead.” As if my dog was showing me a glimpse of hell. In which case this wasn't the real internet, it was the creation of my dog. In my mind or through some other means.
I went back and forth across a road thinking some intense thoughts. One time the phrase was echoing in my mind after I was thinking it “And always will no matter what.” I came back and saw that was the blog title of a new blog I clicked on. I also saw a little later the dog ipgd showed me in the followers of a normal blog I had been following, I can't remember which one.
This seems to be the actual wish I made to the Underbeast. The first part, the first three words, could relate to becoming forever linked to me. The second part seems to be actually dialogue, as ipgd also used the name Matter and she did not become part of my real life, which does not seem to be the proper State of Affairs.
After the dog won the contest of spiritual power, it pierced into my mind. I remember looking out in my mind into the sky and the red dog entered it, and the stars turned into falling candy. It entered a place where I was a kid swinging beneath more stars, and it seemed to be lost, and that was the lowest level of my consciousness associated with my earliest age. I dreaded the form of damage it seemed to be inflicting, but over the years it began to seem like an improved state. He is vitally important to fighting back against my enemies of this world such as Andrew, and one of the two enemies of his comic I was describing is associated with candy.
One of the more disturbing parts of my NDE time was when there was a video of dogs related to foxes I couldn't avoid looking at, as if the dog beast was forcing me to watch it. It seemed to ingrain the significance of Otherworldly suffering.
Before all this I was making drawings of Naruto a lot, and one of his Transformations later in the series reminds me of this creature and how he looks like in my imagination. He just seems to be around, and all over the world and in its artwork.
In the aftermath of this experience, which is not fully described, the dog seemed to have filled up the absence left from the soul damage I sustained. And his power continually grows over time. He also speaks in a handsome man's voice in visions of his existence with me.
The power I can use seems to increase, an ochre interface, the ability to see things only the dog can. As the world continues to tremble under the weight of the coming end times, I expect my ability to wield it will extend into what we know as the real world.
Together we form Underdog, which is an Underbeast made of this one and the creator of these space monsters. It features in my comic book Hauntlyre and I also depict myself adopting the identity in the real world with a suit with a large Hood, like a superheroic persona.